Hello all. Today I'm here to teach you about mystical sexual enigmas!
Now, I'll spare you the basics, I'm sure you know the mechanics and what not.
There are several sexual anomalie that interests me, including poopsex, and I'm fairly certain I view certain parts of this world differently than most people.
First up on the dockett today.... it is a fact that two girls licking and groping and pinching and giggling together is infinitely hotter than two guys walloping and groping and tugging and yelling and groaning out in anger.
Now to most of you kiddos out there may already know this. I mean, it sounds like a fairly easy decision right?
Well, this is how I see it. The female body is a very beautiful thing. It's smooth, curvacious, sexy, mostly hairless, or no hair at all if caught at the right age.
cue picture of sexy photo of the female body.
A short journey across the spectrum of gender, we have the male body. We are hairy, lumpy and asymetrical. We squirt and ooze juices, we actually have hair on our assholes. If you don't believe me, I can make some calls. Don't tempt me. They will make you believe.
I found the most beautiful photograph that captures the male body in such a poetic, vibrant pose. The raw sex is pulsating from this moment captured in time. This photo helps to outline my theorem. Click below to be captivated.
This is why I think two girls spelunking each other is hotter than two guys playing swords with a splash of bukkake. Case closed.
Next up. Being a male, I'm granted sexual insight that most women could never comprehend. Up late one night, taking a break from my vigorous studies of the female clitoris, I was pondering why males are generally known as the aggressor in sexual encounters. Now, I know some girls have been known to make the first move too, and those girls are sluts.
Now, I think I have stumbled upon a simple reason that helps to explain this intricate problem. It boils down to external and internal genetalia.
This is the reason why men are most of the time willing to go shag anything. An example? A Pumpkin. The first person who ever thought of fucking a pumpkin was a raving horny man. I guarantee you that. We get hard, we jut out, we knock over lamps, and we stab things.
Now, on the other hand, females have to make the decision to allow things to enter their person. That isn't to say that girls have never done something crazy like the aforemention. Through some tough and trying times deep in investigatory work for this topic, I found some interesting articles, photos, even movies that detailed several accounts of beautiful 'teen' girls doing just that. I'm fairly certain the first person to suggest that a carrot or perhaps a uranium rod would be hot and fun times inside a woman was probably a man.
I talked to Josh about somehow obtaining a picture of a uranium rod inside a woman's vagina, because I like to splash some photographs on my website that are pertinant to the subjects discussed. Sadly we didn't get that role of film developed and ready for press time.
Once there was a nigger named Dan
Who smoked weed in the can
There he would sit,
and lace his blunt with shit,
And get so fucked he couldn't stand!
By Josh Kupec, Written on the back of my paycheck
A rebuttal to 'Cock Poop Jizz'
The other day, I encountered a social encounter in which I wasn't so sure what to do. The situation follows as this: I have to pee. I'm in the men's bathroom. My finger smells like poop. And finally, I still have my backpack on.
Now, I'll be honest with you guys. I pissed with my backpack on. I want to get that out in the air first. I was peeing and thinking about it, because I can pee and think at the same time, and I started to think perhaps I made the wrong decision. What if all these other really hot ass guys in the bathroom started to think that my pissing with my backpack on somehow aided me in peeing.
So, I still haven't solved this enigma of social etiquette. If any of you happen to know the answer to this question.... perhaps you've ran across a similiar problem, or you've read a Dear Anne question or whatever, please, absolve these horrors that haunt my dreams.
Now, a good note. My friend Chris gave me a gmail account! Now if you don't know what a gmail account is, then its like hotmail, but for fags. So, if you guys ever want to send me naked pictures of yourselves, my new email is
[email protected]. I told my sister the new address and she said 'Danny what if you give some girl your email address and you're trying to bang her'. First off, there is no what if, I'm fairly certain I'll want to bang whoever her is.
Now, how many of you ladies out there didn't fuck a dude because of his email address?
Today, while about in my travels on campus, two nice young gentlemen approached me and wanted to get to know me. Great! Maybe I can make some friends!
They asked my name, and introduced themselves. Then they introduced someone else. That person was Jesus Christ.
Actually Jesus and I had met when I was little and i was baptized in his mothers bidet water or some such. I told these nice young gentlemen I had been baptized so that gets me a ticket into heaven. They still wanted to preach about my body being a vessle.... or a vesicle.... a seminal vesicle.... either way, this man was clearly questioning my own omnipotence.
Now, one of them happened to be from Africa, where life was birthed. I asked about the religions in the villages in Africa a bit. At that point, I turned to the other kind, Jesus-loving gentleman accompanying the one from Africa, and I asked him if he thought all those people in the villages who worshipped and did whatever other rituals that they considered religious.
The man then said to me, "Yes, I believe they are all wrong".
What the fuck is wrong with him? Is he so blinded about being righteous that he can't be open minded enough to think other cultures worship differently? The answers are yes.
I told him if he's not open minded to believe that then he's not worth my time.
Also, Jesus now plays hockey
Beware of the Jesusfist!