I've recently come across a disturbing piece of material.
While it may be old news to all of you chic hipsters out there, It's new to me, so naturally, it's dumbfounding.
I'm walking through the park the other day, and I find this vexatious item.
Now, for the untrained eye, this looks like a candy bar wrapper. THAT is incorrect!
It's Portable Pudding.
PUDDING IN A TUBE
Now, I don't know about you, but when I was a wee kid, we didn't have these crazy snack items they have now. Pudding in a fucking tube? When I was 8 years old and in 3rd grade, we had a different name for pudding in a tube. We called it EJACULATE.
So naturally the image I get in my head is of a nubile 3rd grader with her luscious pig tails, and pretty pink backpack sucking vehemently on this pudding in a tube to get the sickly sweet liquid out of the middle. Once she has finished giving this candy wrapper a blowjob, she wipes the saliva and any errant scraps of pudding off of her chin.
Then deftly licks it off of her hands in the most voluptuous way possible.
Imagine my arousal disgust!
I have an idea, let's put other crazy shit in a tube so its more easily totable.
Idea #1: Toothpaste. I WILL MAKE A FORTUNE!
Idea #2: Spaghetti Sauce. Now you can have spagetti sauce wherever you want it!
Idea #3: Some sort of sexual lubricant. The same idea is at work here with pudding in a tube. On the playground, need something quick? Whip out your lube.
I've went ahead and taken the liberty and edited the Hershey's wrapper to have a more fitting name. Look closely kids.
Now it's a bit more conspicuous, of what's really in that tube.
Quote of the Day: "I think she thinks my weiner tastes like penis" -- Kevin
Posted by EclectiC at March 22, 2004 08:17 PMYou know, I heard this crazy rumor that "Dan's enormous cock" is only enormous if you measure in centimenters. So when he says he's big divide by 2.5. You'd be real surprised what happens then....
Posted by: Ellizbateh "I can't fucking spell my own name" Stintetn at March 22, 2004 09:55 PMHOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP "ELLIZABATEH"
DANS COCK IS HUGE MY GAPING ASSHOLE IS PROOF
Posted by: KENNY at March 22, 2004 11:38 PMHey, at least the kids are getting practice at sucking on tubes at an early age. That'll be beneficial to you when you're old and bald and some young hot chick comes and screws you for your money!
Posted by: Kate at March 23, 2004 06:34 PMah yes. jizz in a tube. always good.
and yes, Ellizbateh should shut the fuck up. i too have asshole proof that he is huge.
The pudding has essence of ass...and that exactly why I like it.
Posted by: Genevieve at March 24, 2004 11:02 PMAnd Dan's Cock is huge. It's even bigger than my dad's.
Posted by: Genevieve at March 26, 2004 11:38 AMDude, they have lube in a tube.. Um... Not that I would know.
Posted by: Sara at March 29, 2004 01:23 PMHey Danny, I feel off the edge of the planet for a while but I'm back now. So speaking of other strange things I was watching the Food Network the other day. I found a roadtrip must. Austin, Texas has a Spamarama.http://www.spamarama.com/ How cool is festival with free spam food? It's where I'm going for my honeymoon.
Posted by: Dez at March 30, 2004 11:02 AMHey Dan Could Pudding In a Tube Be Used As A Dildo? if so where can i get them?
Posted by: Tyler O at April 25, 2004 07:51 PM